Every morning, before getting out of the bed, Bianca, my 4 year old daughter, comes into my room and asks for my iPhone. Most of the time she gets it. After touching it for a few minutes, she gave it back and starts her normal morning routine. Never asked her why she’s doing while holding the phone. I guess I always assumed she’s playing some of the games I installed especially for that.
Recently I had to find a specific note in my iPhone Notes, something serious, an address or a flight ticket number. To my surprise, the first note I found was from the same day and it was something like this:
“aquiwue iwury iwurywiuey., kahihas aiehkahjs”.
And it went like this for a few more lines. Apparently, I took that note at 6:49 AM. Oh, of course! It wasn’t mine, it was Bianca’s! I admit it took me a good 7-8 seconds to realize that (yes, sometimes I can be extremely slow). Happy that I solved this unexpected mystery, I deleted the note. The next one, to my surprise, was from the same league, with a slightly different approach:
“ajhskj ajsj bnmabf kajhjkhfhjka a”.
Of course, it was from yesterday. And after deleting it I found the one from the day before and so on. In 5 minutes I discovered about 30 notes written by Bianca every morning in the last month. Some of them were short, but some of theme were pretty elaborate. The first impulse was to clean up the app and delete them. But something made me not to.
I found the information I needed, did whatever I had to do with it and left the notes untouched in my iPhone. Planning to ask her later about them, of course.
The Secret Diary
The next morning, after she asked for my iPhone, I sat down with her. She seemed pretty absorbed in her writing. Useless to mention that she was incredibly skilled in finding the right app, in the right screen, etc. It wasn’t by mistake, she was doing the writing on purpose.
After she finished the note for today, I asked what was the note about. “But it’s about your name, didn’t you recognize it?”. I admitted I didn’t. “Yeeeees, it’s your name, look closer” she said, and then she left the room, preparing for kindergarten.
The next day, I planned to talk more about the notes so even before she asked for the iPhone I started a small conversation:
“I’ll give it to you but first, I want to ask you a few questions”.
“Oooookey”, she answered, with that voice half-bored, half-promising.
“What is this note about?” and I browsed to something from a week ago.
“Well, it was eating out a Pizza Hut, remember?”
Didn’t remember that, to be honest.
“How about this one?” and I pointed to something even older.
“That was when we watched that movie, remember?”
I remembered watching that movie, but it happened before the note. Of course, she doesn’t know how to read or even identify the days of the month in a calendar. Time is still friendly to her.
“Ok, I said, you can have it” and handed her the iPhone. Immediately, she started to write the note for the day.
The Book Of Life
On my way to work that morning, I realized that Bianca was actually writing her book of life. A journal. A witness of her own experiences. And then I realized we’re all doing that. And, to my huge surprise, I realized we’re all doing it the same way Bianca did: in our own, private language.
Nobody really understands our own book of life. We have goals, objectives, paths but we’re the only ones knowing their real meaning. We write our book of life in some kind of gibberish. I may say something like:
“I want to run a marathon“
but you may understand something completely different. For you, running a marathon could be something very different than it is for me. Our lives are incredibly specific because we use a custom-made, private language. And that makes us really lonely people, no matter how much we interact on a formal level.
Bianca’s book of life become alive the moment I started to connect with her. The moment I was interested enough to find out more, her book of life become intelligible for me. Until that, it was just random letters, nothing more.
How’s your book of life? Do you take the time to connect with people around you and let them know what you meant when you said that thing? What you meant when you made that commitment? What you meant when you made that present? Or do you just write gibberish and assume that everybody understands you?
How many times the pages from your book of life have been torn away because nobody really understands them? How many times you ignored messages from other books of life, just because you assumed the message must be written in the same language you understand? How many times you ignored other books of life because you didn’t take the time to sit down, talk and connect with the other person? How many seconds of happiness you lost by that? How many hours of joy? How many years of fulfilling life?
Do you really take the time to make your book of life available to your closest ones?
Or are you just drifting away, scribbling a completely unintelligible mumbo-jumbo, while still expecting everybody to understand your deepest desires?
Dragos, one of my favorite posts on your blog. Not necessary due to the depth of the answers in the end, which are by themselves helpful and worth to be applied anytime. But more because of your daughter’s attitude. There are so many things that we know deep inside when we were kids without anyone telling us about them, but unfortunately we tend to forget them when we grow up.
Glad you liked it. Like in “Arizona Dream”: a fish doesn’t need to know, a fish knows everything already. Bianca is Pisces, by the way 🙂
This is an amazing story! I love that she is so sure of herself, and that you were open enough to notice and respond 🙂
brilliant!! I love how you write about your little girl. Kids certainly are some of our best teachers, and sources of inspiration aren’t they? 🙂
Beautiful story! Our little ones can certainly offer us the most interesting life lessons! Your little girl sounds amazing!
.-= Evelyn Lim´s last blog ..Draw A Creative Mind Map for Self Analysis =-.
Hi Dragos,
That was a lovely post.Nice to see the things answered what i have in my mind.
What are the things that got answered, if I may know.
Wow thats a really unique way of looking at things. I think that it’s amazing the things you think of when you’re out and about. Most people think of their best ideas when they’re not actively thinking at all.
.-= Richard | RichardShelmerdine.com´s last blog ..Tabata Intervals : Day 30 (Post Mortem) =-.
I want to thank you for this post. You put a smile on my face this morning. It really speaks to me. Lately, I have felt a lot of anger and frustration for what I’ve perceived as unjust rejection. Maybe there’s still hope.
Dragos, I read this post when you first posted but was speechless. I came back and read it again today. Bianca is a lovely name. And she can teach us about life, unbelievable. My exercise routine is ever changing but as far as writing journals, I certainly don’t. We blog :)! And we share ourselves that way with the world I guess…..I share a great deal with my friends and family. Perhaps too much. There is an amazing power in sharing, conversing, and listening to others share their life. The older I get, the more the tiny little things matter and I love life more every day for that. Thank you for a great post, AS ALWAYS!!!
Hi Dragos, I loved this.
Kids are just uncomplicated versions of ourselves and it can be hard to get into their world at times, but the effort is worth it, like you found out.
I think that the personal stories are working great for you and they give your posts another dimension.
.-= Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..A Definitive 4 Step Process for Setting Goals =-.
I would love to be as uncomplicated as a kid sometimes, I really do. Thanks for being around, Steven, always appreciated. 🙂
That is a cool story. It’s amazing how create the young mind is without us hardly ever seeing or sharing that creativity. Isn’t that what writing is about, perhaps you have inspired her Dragos to be a writter!
.-= Mike King´s last blog ..9 Tips on Handling and Eliminating Negative Stress =-.
At this age they’re imitating a lot, without really knowing what they’re doing, but perhaps later, when these memories will surface from their unconscious mind, she will find it appealing too 🙂
Little Bianca sounds amazing. And yes… it is easy for us to forget that others don’t interpret what we’re saying/writing/doing in the way we meant it, unless we are willing to open up and help them understand.
.-= Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last blog ..10 Ways to Live in the Now and Reawaken to the Present Moment =-.
That’s the cornerstone of communication, reaching out and confirming your assumptions. If we’re not doing it, we’re just drifting away, in a world of imagination. Might be nice, but can be also deceiving.
Proverbs 20:11
Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.
.-= Lori E. Mazzola´s last blog ..Psalm 29:11 TLB =-.
And every grown up should be known by his actions too, imho 🙂
Hi Dragos,
I enjoyed reading this post, particularly how you were able to see past the ‘gibberish’ of what your daughter was doing with your iPhone and that you were able to learn a lesson from it. I guess she sees Daddy writing and wants to emulate what you do on a daily basis. I find it remarkable that she’s able to remember what each day’s writing was. What a memory and imagination!
It’s such a sweet story so thank you for sharing it with us.
Thanks,
Karen
.-= Karen´s last blog ..What Would You Do If You Knew? =-.
She was not able to remember everything exactly as it was. I think she’s seeing events “floating” around because she doesn’t have a similar time understanding. Fact is she was keeping a diary and that was absolutely amazing for me 🙂
This is such an awesome story. Original and endearing…it doesn’t get much better than that.
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Life Is Good, Don’t Miss It =-.
Thanks for the nice words, Tess, it does mean a lot to me 🙂
Dragos,
It sounds like your 4 year old daughter just might have a future in blogging! Perhaps she is writing her first posts on your iPhone.
My friend has an iPhone and his 7 year old son also loves to play with it.
The main points I take away from this post are that it is very important to properly communicate our story. And it is also very important to actively listen to others and ask the right questions, so we hear about their life stories.
We definitely live much better lives when we communicate with those around us more deeply.
.-= Greg Blencoe´s last blog ..How to feel better when you are REALLY down =-.
Well, thanks for the nice prediction. I’m not sure what blogging will be in 10 years from now. 🙂
Dragos, your little girl is incredibly smart:)
Yeah, everybody says she got her looks from her mother 😉
Dragos – I think that I probably write more gibberish than most people. My overactive brain is always kicking the stuff out. I try to share it with others the best I can. I’ve worked hard on how to translate it so others can understand and it makes a difference. Thank you.
Phil
.-= Phil – Less Ordinary Living´s last blog ..What we can learn from children =-.
I don’t know if you’re writing more gibberish than most people. You’re the only one that could “feel” that. And if you’re really feeling it, maybe it’s time to stop writing and get out asking people around. They’ll answer, you’ll see 🙂
I get peeved with people saying great post when somethings obviously not a great post, but ya know, like an ok post. Especialliy on the A-lister sites.
But this really IS a great post and explains brilliantly a
The highest compliment I can pay it is to say I wish I’d written it. Then again I don’t have kids so that was never likely to happen 😉
.-= Tim Brownson´s last blog ..You’re A Sales Person =-.
Well, Tim, that’s the greatest compliment I could ever receive. And I’m serious. Thanks 🙂
Awesome post, Dragos!
It’s a great reminder that other people can interpret your message differently than you intend. (I think somebody said “The meaning of the message lies with the recipient.”)
Also, this is the most entertaining way of getting this message across I’ve ever read 🙂
.-= Vlad Dolezal´s last blog ..My Personal Development Experiments – March Update =-.
Glad you liked it, Vlad 🙂 Entertaining is good. Better than boring, imho 🙂
Interesting post! It is indeed so easy to presume that others ‘understand’ what you mean. But everyone has a different meaning behind each word they use. And the only way to find out is to ask.
So good of you to ask your daughter what she meant!
.-= Annemieke´s last blog ..Beneath the World of Logic =-.
It would have been really stupid just to delete those notes, supposing they’re were just “garbage”. Been there as a kid, where people assumed I was just “baby talking” when in fact I was so damn serious 😉
A relationship thing… Isn’t it? 🙂
a little bit more than that, but basically, yes, it starts with a relationship thing… 🙂
That’s so sweet. We can learn so much from kids. I liked the way you made the analogy to our paths and our books of life. Indeed, we’re writing our own, in a language only we can understand. This gives us the insight into other people’s lives. Not because we don’t understand them, they’re unworthy of our consideration.
.-= Anne Lyken-Garner´s last blog ..5 Detoxing Tips That Work =-.
It’s the coding method we’re using, if the other one is able to understand it effortless, than we’re having communication. But if we’re needing decoding, as in Bianca’s notes, we have to make efforts to understand and internalize the code.
Hey Dragos,
Great post and a great reminder. It’s not about walking alone and being disconnected
Life is about connecting with others, sharing in their happiness and their joy – and also sharing our stories with one another, so they become a part of our happiness and joy =)
.-= Sid Savara´s last blog ..How to Create Your Personal Development Plan =-.
Your comment is a living proof of what you’re saying: it’s all about connecting with others 😉